I work out most of the days during the week. I like spinning, circuit training with weights and TRX (a strap system that uses your body as the weight), bootcamp and RUNNING. The thing is, I oftentimes find myself saying "I'm not a runner, I am really, really slow." I am well aware that I am not the best athlete. I will break no records, nor will I ever place in any race that I am a part of. I will most definitely rank in the "well HOT DAMN she finished it" group.
I have heard a variety of comments about my slow running speed from:
1. You really needed to have been trained in running as a child to be able to have speed as an adult
2. I've seen you run, and I think I could run with you because you are slow
3. You have short legs, big boobs, lack fast twitch muscles, have a harder time because you are muscular etc...
...and you know what, all of those have some semblence of validity...they do...I'm WOMAN enough to admit that...
BUT...here is what I have decided...
It's all in semantics. Being physically fit, overcoming any hurdle that is put in front of you, making a decision about how one wants to handle a situation...it's all in what we CHOOSE to say to ourselves.
I can continue to say to myself that I am not a runner, from the input I have received from others or from the beliefs I have chosen to think for myself...but the reality is...
I AM A RUNNER. Runner is defined as A PERSON WHO RUNS...now it can be in a specified way, like a FAST RUNNER, or a MARATHON RUNNER...or it can be in the way that I CHOOSE to interpret it...A PERSON WHO RUNS. I can listen to all the input around me, I can take it with an open mind to learn from those with the gift of speedy running, I can create goals for myself if I SO CHOOSE...but in the end...I AM A RUNNER because I get out and do it, and for no other reason.
Now, this same premise can be transferred to everyday life. Maya Angelou - in my young inquisitive years - caught my attention by stating that what she says in her home, what she teaches in her home is what she will present herself as in public. In the end, what she is saying is the WORDS that she uses in her own personal life and personal talk will be how she makes the decision to interpret and react to the greater world. In other words, one has the ultimate control over the words that they use to create the beliefs that they have.
Let's give an example. A person says something to you that just rubs you the wrong way. They may have misinterpreted your intent, or simply been on their own bandwagon to be heard. Every word they say is just making you madder and madder. Now...is it that person's fault that you are angry? IN THE END, I say IT IS NOT. It is OUR CHOICE to allow ourselves to become angry. We make the decisions about what emotions we are going to express. NOW, that does not mean that we control what emotions we feel. It means, we control what emotions we WILL PRESENT to the greater world. It is almost VULCAN like in nature (go ahead, I'll take the hits cause BABY I LOVE STAR TREK). The ability to not necessarily control our emotions, but understand that it is our choice to act on our emotions.
How we talk to ourselves is the KEY to understanding how we get over those impossible looking hurdles in life. How we look at the greater world...what type of attitude we choose to take as we look out will be how we see those around us. Do we look at the world with hope, and belief in the greater good? Do we look at the world as a place to fear? Do we look to others and blame them for what is, when all is said and done, our responsibility?
I understand that NOTHING is as simple as changing your glasses to the happy, rosy ones. I understand where mental health comes into play. Where medications are necessary to help alter the brain due to genetic anomalies or extenuating life circumstances. However, I truly believe that the mind is stronger than we give ourselves credit for. It could be, with those struggling with depression (for instance) that the mind MUST TELL ITSELF that one cannot survive unless they take their medication. That is mind over matter, just as much as me choosing my words to believe that I am a runner, regardless of what others think. OUR MINDS are capable of more that we give ourselves credit for. Our minds are stronger than our bodies by far. Our minds are amazing.
Many people will use their faith to give them strength of mind. Others are simply given the gift of a strong mind and can exercsie their incredible discipline with ease. Others must be trained to create a stronger, more engaged, more disciplined mind. However, I believe that our minds can create a positive, peaceful, dynamic, and purposeful place for our psyche. As those ever hopeful Irish say "May the Road Rise to Meet you..." and may your mind overcome a challenge that you are facing today.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO ANGRY...CUZ I AINT LIKE YOU?
Good LORD Almight God...why do we NOT like people who are different from us? Now let me begin like this...We, the human race, who all have the same brain (minus some genetic anomolies or two), the same two eyes, ears, legs, arms, feet, hands...the same bellies, backs, necks, and MORE...do solemnly swear to make sure that we feel better than, stronger than, smarter than, richer than, whiter than, taller than, thinner than SOMEONE ELSE.
AND TO DO SO...we, the human race, do solemnly swear to judge those with amazing fervor, who are LESS than us. It is because we the human race feel more powerful, more fulfilled, more secure in ourselves for having a higher place than those around us. It is the definition of success to have pulled ourselves into a singular space where we supremely rule over others, with the sole purpose of keeping ourselves in said space. It is by virtue of this premise, that we (the human race) find ourselves to have achieved NIRVANA by hiring those to do what is less than for us...and to assure that those less than us do not gain access to that which made us great.
We, the human race, feel that we can use religion, monetary success, hatred and dominate culture to share and defend our belief systems. We PROMISE, as an entire race, to NEVER find a common ground, apologize for our mistakes, change history or recognize the above dynamics as the cause for our divisions and failures.
We, the human race, find anger and jealously to be the most effective way to create policy for our entire world. To create all systems used to sustain our race, we believe that it is integral to our success to allow safe neighborhoods, strong education, and healthy minds and bodies to those that can pay for these services. It is our unending decree, as the human race, to continue to spend time judging those that do not have these services, due to their innately lazy nature, and continue to deny these accessible services. We, the human race, understand that if you CHOSE to be gay, poor, lazy, stupid, uneducated, fat, a druggie, crazy, or mentally ill then it is our place who are NOT gay, poor, lazy, stupid, uneducated, fat, a druggie, crazy, or mentally ill to chastise you. This is the only way, that we THE HUMAN RACE can change who you are...not the circumstances of your being, but the innate person that you are to be MORE LIKE US.
So to all you people of color who aren't light enough, who have kinky hair, or ashy skin...to all you people that sport female anatomy instead of male...to all of you who are gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual...to all of you who are in poverty or struggling financially...for all of you who are dealing with addiction or mental health...for all of you who are trying to get healthy, stay healthy, learn about being healthy, misunderstand what it means to be healthy...for all of you who need a doctor, dentist, nurse at a reasonable price...those of us who are Muslim, Jewish, Hindu,UNTOUCHABLE, Quaker, Christian, RECOGNIZE...that we ARE the human race. That despite a FEW powerful peoples' wishes...we can make a race that shouts a NEW DECREE. It is not in the large acts that the world changes. It is in the small things that we do every day. It is in the tolerance for others that we teach our children in our own individual homes. It is in expanding your world to a place you have never been to learn more, see more, decrease fears, and judge less. It is simply the HOPE that what we are DOES NOT HAVE TO BE WHAT WE BECOME.
I know that each day I learn more, am challenged more, and open my heart more to this blessed world that I was given a chance to be a part of. We could lose our chance in this world tomorrow...and to say we didn't have a hand in that would be irresponsible. Today, go out and do something that will make an individual difference in this world. If every person reading this did something...a huge change will already have been made.
AND TO DO SO...we, the human race, do solemnly swear to judge those with amazing fervor, who are LESS than us. It is because we the human race feel more powerful, more fulfilled, more secure in ourselves for having a higher place than those around us. It is the definition of success to have pulled ourselves into a singular space where we supremely rule over others, with the sole purpose of keeping ourselves in said space. It is by virtue of this premise, that we (the human race) find ourselves to have achieved NIRVANA by hiring those to do what is less than for us...and to assure that those less than us do not gain access to that which made us great.
We, the human race, feel that we can use religion, monetary success, hatred and dominate culture to share and defend our belief systems. We PROMISE, as an entire race, to NEVER find a common ground, apologize for our mistakes, change history or recognize the above dynamics as the cause for our divisions and failures.
We, the human race, find anger and jealously to be the most effective way to create policy for our entire world. To create all systems used to sustain our race, we believe that it is integral to our success to allow safe neighborhoods, strong education, and healthy minds and bodies to those that can pay for these services. It is our unending decree, as the human race, to continue to spend time judging those that do not have these services, due to their innately lazy nature, and continue to deny these accessible services. We, the human race, understand that if you CHOSE to be gay, poor, lazy, stupid, uneducated, fat, a druggie, crazy, or mentally ill then it is our place who are NOT gay, poor, lazy, stupid, uneducated, fat, a druggie, crazy, or mentally ill to chastise you. This is the only way, that we THE HUMAN RACE can change who you are...not the circumstances of your being, but the innate person that you are to be MORE LIKE US.
So to all you people of color who aren't light enough, who have kinky hair, or ashy skin...to all you people that sport female anatomy instead of male...to all of you who are gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual...to all of you who are in poverty or struggling financially...for all of you who are dealing with addiction or mental health...for all of you who are trying to get healthy, stay healthy, learn about being healthy, misunderstand what it means to be healthy...for all of you who need a doctor, dentist, nurse at a reasonable price...those of us who are Muslim, Jewish, Hindu,UNTOUCHABLE, Quaker, Christian, RECOGNIZE...that we ARE the human race. That despite a FEW powerful peoples' wishes...we can make a race that shouts a NEW DECREE. It is not in the large acts that the world changes. It is in the small things that we do every day. It is in the tolerance for others that we teach our children in our own individual homes. It is in expanding your world to a place you have never been to learn more, see more, decrease fears, and judge less. It is simply the HOPE that what we are DOES NOT HAVE TO BE WHAT WE BECOME.
I know that each day I learn more, am challenged more, and open my heart more to this blessed world that I was given a chance to be a part of. We could lose our chance in this world tomorrow...and to say we didn't have a hand in that would be irresponsible. Today, go out and do something that will make an individual difference in this world. If every person reading this did something...a huge change will already have been made.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Seattle has had the WORLD'S CRAPPIEST summer. Seriously. A news story just came out and said we have had a total of 78 minutes, this summer, where the weather was 80+ degrees. PATHETIC. At 12:23 pm, I have all the lights on in my house because it is SO DARK! Unbelievable.
Here is the upside to the crappy weather. My children get to stay in and do their school work. That's right...their school work during the summer. I am that mean mother who believes that a child's mind must always be stimulated...and that school year round in the U.S. would not be a bad thing. NOW, I am not saying that school work needs to be all book work, or that a child needs to do summer work because it is the only way to STAY AHEAD. I am saying that a child's mind needs constant stimulation. That they are designed to learn about the world. That, just like any human being, some things come easier to them than others.
Summer is the perfect time to focus on:
1. Their areas that need extra emphasis. For one of my girls it is definitely reading comprehension. She reads at a high level, but needs to be given the tools to comprehend all that she is reading. For another daughter it is learning to be creative, and think outside the logic box. For another it is the need to learn how to focus for longer periods of time, regardless of her young age.
2. Their areas of strength. Children may not get to do what they LOVE the most in school. If your child leans towards the arts, an area that most public/private schools cut first when in a budget crisis, they can do more art, music, sculpture, creative writing, and simply DREAM more. If your child excels in math, you can stimulate their brains with higher level math and lots and lots and lots of LOGIC.
A lot of us think that we aren't qualified to teach our children or just plain are not good at it. I can tell you, for sure, that my children have learned how to swear from me... I am better than any school teacher they will ever get! Sometimes, long term patience (when one is not quick to pick up on the answer) is not my strong suit. SURPRISE!
In the summer, however, we truly are capable. Nothing has to follow state standards. Nothing has to be done, with the worry that you aren't covering all of your bases. You just have to engage in what your strengths are. If you love running, biking, hiking, reading, singing, cooking...then you can teach your kids in the summer. You can add math into all of the above. Talk about how you figure out your minute miles when you run. Talk about how you calculate angles, understand direction through a compass, while hiking. Use your cooking to talk about fractions, while measuring out your ingredients. Add chocolate chips to each pancake you make to talk about how multiplication is a faster form of addition. Four pancakes have four chocolate chips in them so 4x4=16. While singing, show your music and explain how fractions work in 8th and 16th notes. REMEMBER, NO CHILD IS TOO YOUNG TO LEARN. You just need to adjust your lessons to what is developmentally appropriate, while still asking them to reach for the next level...IT IS MUCH EASIER THAN YOU THINK!
Have your children learn how to use workbooks at home, on their own. Assigning your children 1-2 pages a day in logic, math, comprehension and language books helps them to understand how to WORK ON THEIR OWN, without teacher help. It is inevitable that most of our children will have more than eight children in their classroom, and being able to do self work is important. I love GREEK and LATIN workbooks because our English language system is based on Greek and Latin roots (ask the dad in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING if I am right on that :-)! ) Make sure they are also writing in a journal every day. NEVER correct their spelling or grammar in that journal. It is their journey to engage in. Reading a book every day is FANTASTICAL too! I always tell my girls, it is never about just getting through the book...the best book that they will ever read is one that they wish would NEVER end. It is about the magic, the mystery, the challenge. If you do not have a natural reader, keep trying a million different genres until you find the one that makes your child's eyes twinkle! It may not be what you like, but WHO CARES (as long as it is appropriate). Challenge your child's mind. If they are zipping through the books they are picking, ask them to pick one with a higher level. It may take them longer, but the point is not to be FAST but to LOVE READING and CHALLENGE their minds!
I also recommend a multitude of field trips. If you cannot take your children to the zoo, science museum, kids museum, farm, hikes, rivers, horse farm, sky diving etc. then send them to a camp. If you cannot pay for the camp, as is our case, get creative. Sometimes this helps to get your butt moving, and is the BEST motivator for you and your kids! It's always good for adults to stay young in spirit!
I know that this may not sound simple. I believe, however, that it is integral to your child's mind expansion. I EMPHASIZE that is is not about making your kid the brightest one in their classroom. This is about establishing a LIFE LONG LOVE OF LEARNING. The best learners may not be the one that scores the highest on their tests...they are the ones that LOVE every minute of learning. Not every subject, but love the idea that they are blessed with the opportunity to learn. What a gift... the opportunity to learn...to understand the world from a variety of perspectives.
Note: this is not a good mom/dad/parent vs bad mom/dad/parent thing. There is no reason to go all TEACHER'S PET and get all mad if a parent is already doing this and you aren't. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN DO. What matches your abilities, schedules, lifestyles etc. My challenge to you is to not compare yourself with another person, but just run your own race. In the end, if you are out there simply running the race to educate and stimulate your child's mind then you are already a winner!
Here is the upside to the crappy weather. My children get to stay in and do their school work. That's right...their school work during the summer. I am that mean mother who believes that a child's mind must always be stimulated...and that school year round in the U.S. would not be a bad thing. NOW, I am not saying that school work needs to be all book work, or that a child needs to do summer work because it is the only way to STAY AHEAD. I am saying that a child's mind needs constant stimulation. That they are designed to learn about the world. That, just like any human being, some things come easier to them than others.
Summer is the perfect time to focus on:
1. Their areas that need extra emphasis. For one of my girls it is definitely reading comprehension. She reads at a high level, but needs to be given the tools to comprehend all that she is reading. For another daughter it is learning to be creative, and think outside the logic box. For another it is the need to learn how to focus for longer periods of time, regardless of her young age.
2. Their areas of strength. Children may not get to do what they LOVE the most in school. If your child leans towards the arts, an area that most public/private schools cut first when in a budget crisis, they can do more art, music, sculpture, creative writing, and simply DREAM more. If your child excels in math, you can stimulate their brains with higher level math and lots and lots and lots of LOGIC.
A lot of us think that we aren't qualified to teach our children or just plain are not good at it. I can tell you, for sure, that my children have learned how to swear from me... I am better than any school teacher they will ever get! Sometimes, long term patience (when one is not quick to pick up on the answer) is not my strong suit. SURPRISE!
In the summer, however, we truly are capable. Nothing has to follow state standards. Nothing has to be done, with the worry that you aren't covering all of your bases. You just have to engage in what your strengths are. If you love running, biking, hiking, reading, singing, cooking...then you can teach your kids in the summer. You can add math into all of the above. Talk about how you figure out your minute miles when you run. Talk about how you calculate angles, understand direction through a compass, while hiking. Use your cooking to talk about fractions, while measuring out your ingredients. Add chocolate chips to each pancake you make to talk about how multiplication is a faster form of addition. Four pancakes have four chocolate chips in them so 4x4=16. While singing, show your music and explain how fractions work in 8th and 16th notes. REMEMBER, NO CHILD IS TOO YOUNG TO LEARN. You just need to adjust your lessons to what is developmentally appropriate, while still asking them to reach for the next level...IT IS MUCH EASIER THAN YOU THINK!
Have your children learn how to use workbooks at home, on their own. Assigning your children 1-2 pages a day in logic, math, comprehension and language books helps them to understand how to WORK ON THEIR OWN, without teacher help. It is inevitable that most of our children will have more than eight children in their classroom, and being able to do self work is important. I love GREEK and LATIN workbooks because our English language system is based on Greek and Latin roots (ask the dad in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING if I am right on that :-)! ) Make sure they are also writing in a journal every day. NEVER correct their spelling or grammar in that journal. It is their journey to engage in. Reading a book every day is FANTASTICAL too! I always tell my girls, it is never about just getting through the book...the best book that they will ever read is one that they wish would NEVER end. It is about the magic, the mystery, the challenge. If you do not have a natural reader, keep trying a million different genres until you find the one that makes your child's eyes twinkle! It may not be what you like, but WHO CARES (as long as it is appropriate). Challenge your child's mind. If they are zipping through the books they are picking, ask them to pick one with a higher level. It may take them longer, but the point is not to be FAST but to LOVE READING and CHALLENGE their minds!
I also recommend a multitude of field trips. If you cannot take your children to the zoo, science museum, kids museum, farm, hikes, rivers, horse farm, sky diving etc. then send them to a camp. If you cannot pay for the camp, as is our case, get creative. Sometimes this helps to get your butt moving, and is the BEST motivator for you and your kids! It's always good for adults to stay young in spirit!
I know that this may not sound simple. I believe, however, that it is integral to your child's mind expansion. I EMPHASIZE that is is not about making your kid the brightest one in their classroom. This is about establishing a LIFE LONG LOVE OF LEARNING. The best learners may not be the one that scores the highest on their tests...they are the ones that LOVE every minute of learning. Not every subject, but love the idea that they are blessed with the opportunity to learn. What a gift... the opportunity to learn...to understand the world from a variety of perspectives.
Note: this is not a good mom/dad/parent vs bad mom/dad/parent thing. There is no reason to go all TEACHER'S PET and get all mad if a parent is already doing this and you aren't. YOU DO WHAT YOU CAN DO. What matches your abilities, schedules, lifestyles etc. My challenge to you is to not compare yourself with another person, but just run your own race. In the end, if you are out there simply running the race to educate and stimulate your child's mind then you are already a winner!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
So why are we so into those Brazilians...and I do not mean people from the country
We were walking through Costco today...had to stock up for the month. We were getting toilet paper, whatever, I know it isn't glamorus...but I have a butt load of little girls in my house and they seem to LOVE the stuff. The paper towels were in the same aisle. My eight year old says "Oh, can we get this paper towel...it's so soft?" I looked at that child, and used the same tone my own mother did when she thought I was out of my mind..."Um...how do you know it's soft?" To which my witty eight year old replies "It just looks SO SOFT."
Marketing...damnit...marketing. It said it was SO SOFT on the packaging and my kiddo believed it. That's what marketing people do...and evangelicals (but I digress). They know that young children, around the ages of 7 and 8 are their BEST audiences. They buy into the message, no questions asked! If you can sell to the kid...you've sold to the parents.
Oh, and I will give my father credit for this one, I was happy to start in on my very long lecture about the evils of marketing and advertising. My dad was the KING of lectures and long stories. We would ask him why the sky was blue, and he would start back at the big bang theory. That meant about 4 hours of lecture until we truly found out why the sky was blue. I now use this same tactic on my children. They enjoy the experience as much as I did. BUT AGAIN, I DIGRESS!
As I looked at my little girl, and her beautiful sisters...in that moment...I began thinking about the combination of child + girl/young teen girl + advertising. At this point, some of you are beginning to roll your eyes and think, "damn feminist, here we go again..." and to that I say, "May God bless you with a daughter who gets through all that SHIT without having her self esteem affected..." and will tell you to sign off from this particular blog entry...cuz the rest of what I will be writing is just gonna piss you off more.
Here is what I saw, as a multiracial girl growing up, in the magazines:
You had to have a European-esque body and be tall, thin and white
Here is what I thought about it:
Who gives a crap?
Here is why:
Advertisers had not started their CRAZY marketing to children...so I listened to my mom and the women around me growing up...and honestly, what I saw were confident women, who valued dark skin, light skin, mixed skin, big asses, small asses, big hips, little hips, big brains, (um...they didn't really value small brains) and a great personality.
My television was limited to shows that my parents thought would increase my self esteem, and I saw very few commercials.
My own mother did not have fashion magazines, a self esteem problem, and (although she enjoyed looking very sharp and fashionable) found ways to look fashionable without buying into name brands, and NEVER PUT MUCH EMPHASIS on the topic. We talked more about reading, writing, art, theater, musicals, face painting etc etc etc etc...
NOW, I am not saying that if you value fashion, read fashion magazines, talk about fashion, prioritize fashion, clothing, and make up that you are damaging your child. I am just saying those are the REASONS WHY I FEEL I DO NOT HAVE a self esteem issue about being who I am, or with what I look like. PLUS, I stand by the fact that communities of color (especially the Black community) put far less emphasis on body type and beauty because of youth - although I will give you that light skin vs dark skin is still a huge and cruel issue in many communities of color- than WHITE communities (and let's be honest...white people are already mostly light...so maybe they just need other issues to bitch about).
Now, let's look at today:
1. Advertisers specifically market adult products in child form to CHILDREN. Barbie Make up, adult style clothing in little sizes (skinny jeans, baby bras, low cut shirts, short ass shorts). What happened to GARANIMALS people...match the red and blue striped shirt to the little pair of jeans and voila your six year old was clothed.
2. Models start at about age 12 - thanks GUESS JEANS - and are wearing stuff that NO 12 year old should be wearing...PLUS, those dang models are skinnier than a new born baby and DEAR LORD...it's gross. WHO can attain that body? Sick people, people with cancer, people who are dying because their bodies are failing? Yes, they can attain that body size...but I bet they would give anything to NOT look like that and be healthy again.
3. Reality TV and other CRAZY shows that continue to emphasize...and here is my biggest pet PEEVE, that ADULTS need to look like CHILDREN. Their hair must have the natural highlights, and can NEVER be grey. Adults must have pre pubescent bodies with tiny buds instead of boobs, and hair free vaginas (you know, those Brazilians I was talking about). Seriously, I mean I am all for the trimming of the tree...but to de-needle the tree...who has hair free wee wee's...only children before puberty. Why do adults need to look like children before puberty? I AM SO CONFUSED?????? Adults also have to have skin that glows with youth. You can't have a wrinkle on that face of yours.
SO WHY?
Women who are not of the perceived dominant Caucasian ethnic group are less valued. Let's just call this crap as it is. Women who look like woman aren't valued. Women who are older and wiser are not valued...OH WELL, maybe I could sum it up like this WOMEN are still NOT VALUED. Well, I guess we are valued if we are submisive, sexual, pre pubescent, and young beings...but watch out...cuz who wants a brilliant, strong, older, KICK ASS woman?
THE REALITY: Most people do. Most real people, outside of a very small media group, want people who are capable, smart, experienced in life, WOMANLY GROWN UP WOMEN.
So don't buy into the hype folks. Ask your partner/husband/life long mate...they will tell you the truth...don't believe the other CRAP.
Marketing...damnit...marketing. It said it was SO SOFT on the packaging and my kiddo believed it. That's what marketing people do...and evangelicals (but I digress). They know that young children, around the ages of 7 and 8 are their BEST audiences. They buy into the message, no questions asked! If you can sell to the kid...you've sold to the parents.
Oh, and I will give my father credit for this one, I was happy to start in on my very long lecture about the evils of marketing and advertising. My dad was the KING of lectures and long stories. We would ask him why the sky was blue, and he would start back at the big bang theory. That meant about 4 hours of lecture until we truly found out why the sky was blue. I now use this same tactic on my children. They enjoy the experience as much as I did. BUT AGAIN, I DIGRESS!
As I looked at my little girl, and her beautiful sisters...in that moment...I began thinking about the combination of child + girl/young teen girl + advertising. At this point, some of you are beginning to roll your eyes and think, "damn feminist, here we go again..." and to that I say, "May God bless you with a daughter who gets through all that SHIT without having her self esteem affected..." and will tell you to sign off from this particular blog entry...cuz the rest of what I will be writing is just gonna piss you off more.
Here is what I saw, as a multiracial girl growing up, in the magazines:
You had to have a European-esque body and be tall, thin and white
Here is what I thought about it:
Who gives a crap?
Here is why:
Advertisers had not started their CRAZY marketing to children...so I listened to my mom and the women around me growing up...and honestly, what I saw were confident women, who valued dark skin, light skin, mixed skin, big asses, small asses, big hips, little hips, big brains, (um...they didn't really value small brains) and a great personality.
My television was limited to shows that my parents thought would increase my self esteem, and I saw very few commercials.
My own mother did not have fashion magazines, a self esteem problem, and (although she enjoyed looking very sharp and fashionable) found ways to look fashionable without buying into name brands, and NEVER PUT MUCH EMPHASIS on the topic. We talked more about reading, writing, art, theater, musicals, face painting etc etc etc etc...
NOW, I am not saying that if you value fashion, read fashion magazines, talk about fashion, prioritize fashion, clothing, and make up that you are damaging your child. I am just saying those are the REASONS WHY I FEEL I DO NOT HAVE a self esteem issue about being who I am, or with what I look like. PLUS, I stand by the fact that communities of color (especially the Black community) put far less emphasis on body type and beauty because of youth - although I will give you that light skin vs dark skin is still a huge and cruel issue in many communities of color- than WHITE communities (and let's be honest...white people are already mostly light...so maybe they just need other issues to bitch about).
Now, let's look at today:
1. Advertisers specifically market adult products in child form to CHILDREN. Barbie Make up, adult style clothing in little sizes (skinny jeans, baby bras, low cut shirts, short ass shorts). What happened to GARANIMALS people...match the red and blue striped shirt to the little pair of jeans and voila your six year old was clothed.
2. Models start at about age 12 - thanks GUESS JEANS - and are wearing stuff that NO 12 year old should be wearing...PLUS, those dang models are skinnier than a new born baby and DEAR LORD...it's gross. WHO can attain that body? Sick people, people with cancer, people who are dying because their bodies are failing? Yes, they can attain that body size...but I bet they would give anything to NOT look like that and be healthy again.
3. Reality TV and other CRAZY shows that continue to emphasize...and here is my biggest pet PEEVE, that ADULTS need to look like CHILDREN. Their hair must have the natural highlights, and can NEVER be grey. Adults must have pre pubescent bodies with tiny buds instead of boobs, and hair free vaginas (you know, those Brazilians I was talking about). Seriously, I mean I am all for the trimming of the tree...but to de-needle the tree...who has hair free wee wee's...only children before puberty. Why do adults need to look like children before puberty? I AM SO CONFUSED?????? Adults also have to have skin that glows with youth. You can't have a wrinkle on that face of yours.
SO WHY?
Women who are not of the perceived dominant Caucasian ethnic group are less valued. Let's just call this crap as it is. Women who look like woman aren't valued. Women who are older and wiser are not valued...OH WELL, maybe I could sum it up like this WOMEN are still NOT VALUED. Well, I guess we are valued if we are submisive, sexual, pre pubescent, and young beings...but watch out...cuz who wants a brilliant, strong, older, KICK ASS woman?
THE REALITY: Most people do. Most real people, outside of a very small media group, want people who are capable, smart, experienced in life, WOMANLY GROWN UP WOMEN.
So don't buy into the hype folks. Ask your partner/husband/life long mate...they will tell you the truth...don't believe the other CRAP.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Are you EFFING kidding me?
Today, I feel hopeless and angry. I feel the need to scramble quickly and try to solve a problem that I have no solution for. It is the immense division that our American society is undergoing. Here is what I have heard in the last two days from hard working, tax paying American citizens (Yup Americans...you know any person in this world who has made a commitment to this country, regardless of country of origin, religion, sexual orientation, gender):
STORY 1: I am a teacher. My husband's job is not stable. He has been told he could lose his job. I have two children. After school care has gotten so expensive, that my oldest child will have to become a latchkey child. It isn't fair that I cannot give my child the right to have an adult watch him, keeping him safe simply because the cost is too great. I have to chose between paying for basic human needs or keeping my child safe.
STORY 2: I have three children. My husband's job is threatened. If he loses his job, I will not be able to sustain the salary needed to keep our family going. There have been two major medical situations in our lives. During my college years, I had brain surgery and was not able to complete my education. I do not have the degree to bring in the income my family needs to survive. My third child had a major medical scare while in utero. Even though we carry insurance, we were still left with a $10,000 bill to cover. I can't sleep at night because I don't know how we are going to make our bills.
STORY 3: I have worked for my company for over 20 years. They just let me go because they are concerned about their bottom line, not the people who have been with them. It is cheaper for them to hire a younger person than to keep me on. I am looking for a job now, in my 50's.
We have the same story. My husband works two jobs (and contracts on other positions). I have a Masters Degree in the wrong field (social work) and cannot afford childcare for my children even if I were to work a FT social work position. My entire salary would go towards childcare, there would be nothing left over for groceries, gas, school, clothes for my children.
The stories I have been hearing are so heartbreaking, frustrating. It's astounding...and we all seem to share lines in this never ending story...it is as if one person can end their story and another can begin the next chapter...
Here is what we all want:
1. A good and safe life for our children.
2. The right to an education that will keep our children fed, safe, healthy, strong, happy.
3. The means to buy healthy, sustainable food for our families and selves. Food that does not harm our children and earth. Food that keeps our children free from medical conditions like obesity and diabetes.
4. Warm clothing and shoes for our children.
Is that too much? Are we at fault for wanting these basics for our children? Is it your perspective that if we can't afford it we have no rights to it? That the reason we cannot afford reasonable human rights (because they have become commodities) is because we are lazy, don't work hard enough, can't pull ourselves up from our bootstraps? That because we care for others rights, as well as ours, that we have no intelligence? Those of us who chose to go into helping professions are all fools, who only want more for ourselves? That those of us who gave up our chance at high paying salaries to help children learn, to help those struggling with addiction or mental health lives reasonable lives, to help those with genetic anomalies live positive lives..that we are overly greedy, lazy, union loving a holes that went into our fields because we couldn't hack it in the real world?
Funny, because when you need us because it is your son or daughter in need...you are happy to give us all our cute little $10 Starbucks card as a thank you, take what you can to keep your child healthy and happy, then when we are done, tell us how we suck. I have heard, "well, you, you are the exception to the rule...most people are horrid at their jobs...but you...you are one of the few committed people..." ARE YOU SERIOUS? THERE ARE ONLY A FEW OF US COMMITTED TO YOUR CHILDREN? COMMITTED TO YOUR CRACK ADDICT DAUGHTER? COMMITTED TO YOUR BI POLAR CHILD? COMMITTED TO YOUR CHILD WITH MS? ONLY A FEW OF US?
I have heard all the over simplifications. I have heard people speaking out of fear and anger. I have heard the arguments and propaganda to keep those in power powerful. I DO NOT BELIEVE ANY OF IT.
Those of us who are having trouble feeding our families, paying gas, giving our children a good and reasonable education, borrowing money from our parents to help our children...we are not freeloading, lazy ass holes, people. WE ARE TAX PAYING, GOOD AMERICANS who simply want a decent life for our families and all families. We want a home in a safe neighborhood for all people...we want a salary that will allow all people to pay childcare, and feed and clothe our children...we want a good school and the opportunity for extra curricular - mind expanding activities for our children (music, athletics, language)...we want to not have to beg our older, fixed income parents for money.
Who gets the big money in our country? Plastic surgeons, Pharmaceutical sales, corporate lawyers, politicians? What do they do that they deserve that kind of pay? What? They give rich people big boobs, they sell drugs that have not even passed FDA standards, they keep companies like Montsano able to screw the average farmer, they lie about what they are going to do and then do the exact opposite because those in power bully them (and those are the good ones)? THOSE PEOPLE ARE OUR UPSTANDING CITIZENS?
Well, hot damn, I get it now...sorry for wasting your time with all my crazy, lazy, stupid, bleeding heart liberal words...well...until next time that is...
This story is getting OLD and SCARY
I always speak with people. I am always curious. I always have theories. I have been labeled, I have labeled myself. I am not politically correct, nor do I care to be. At the same time, I am not unkind and do not have the intention to hurt others when I speak. It is a fine balance. One I have not always been successful at.
I have always loved speaking. I have always loved writing. I do not write like a Journalist. I do not write like a Creative Writing major. I simply write, with no credentials, other than my life, to do so. It is as if what I write cannot be contained. Will not be contained. It does not come out flowery, and I have grammatical errors. It flows as if I am speaking.
I have always loved speaking. I have always loved writing. I do not write like a Journalist. I do not write like a Creative Writing major. I simply write, with no credentials, other than my life, to do so. It is as if what I write cannot be contained. Will not be contained. It does not come out flowery, and I have grammatical errors. It flows as if I am speaking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)